Together is all we need

I've come to realize that the fall always brings the same feeling deep in your belly. Always brings back those memories of being a kid when everything was perfect. It has the same smell each and every year, no matter where you are, and who your with.
It's so strange how the cool, clarifying breeze can make you feel so differently about each day. I've also come to realize in the past 3 days that life is a constant shaky, wooden roller coaster. The pinacle of the coaster right before the first big drop is the clarifying, high of life. The part that goes through the tunnel where you can't see your hand in front of your face is the low, dark part of life. Typical analogy, I think. but its ohh so good, and ohh so true.

In the past 3 days i've gotten a perfect insite of my life. Talking to people, listening to people, and realizing the person I am is probably not the best me. I've been here in Indiana for 7 months, 1 week today. And even though that doesn't seem like a long time, it's felt like the longest 7 months of my life. I've also realized that I kinda feel like a failure. I have been so negative and reveled in it, I havent had the time to enjoy it. I'm 24, in a completely different part of the country, and I've thrown this amazing opportunity out the window. I have no clue how long I'm going to be here, but I've decided in my heart of hearts that I'm going to enjoy this place, for all that it's worth, until it's over. I've been given this amazing opportunity to figure out who Lauren is, and I just can't waste it any longer.

With all that said, I apologize profusely to everyone that has come in contact with me in the past 8 months. I'm sorry for my horribly negative attitude about life. I'm sorry about my complaints, my sorrows and my dispairs. It's hard to move away from everything, but it's life, and you have to learn to deal with it each and every day. I've learned in the past 3 days that no matter what life throws at you, at least it's throwing something at you. Because all in all, things could be much worse.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." — Gilda Radner